Whomp Whomp...

Lessons learned:

1. Get over it.  You're never going to be on your game 100% of the time.  You're never going to have 100% of the tools you had the day before. You're never going to be perfect at everything.  And when all is said and done, you need to get over it and move on because tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow is another shot at improving.
2. It will never help when you're your own worst enemy.  Beating yourself over every thing that you "should have done but didn't" won't do anything but bring you down.  
3. Don't compare yourself to others. It's so easy to do the "well if" scenario when it comes to riding.  "Well if my parents bought be a $50,000 horse I could do that level too" or "If I started riding and showing when I was 5 I could be that great too".  We are all brought up in different situations and some of us benefit more than others.  It's life. How we deal with what we are dealt is more important and more productive in the end.
4. Learning to deal with "not winning" is much harder than it seems.  It's so much easier to be a good winner than it is to be a good "loser" (I use that term lightly).  Looking back today on past events I can't remember one time that I was satisfied with anything other than 1st place.  I know that's wrong and taboo to say, but it's true.  Even on days where I really had amazing rides but didn't win, or was off of first by a few points, I've always beaten myself up over it.  I'm a perfectionist for sure, but I'm learning now that I can't be.  It takes a huge emotional toll when I sweat things that I can't fix and it's something that I've really learned today about myself that I need to definitely address.
5. I love my horse.  No matter what, good or bad, I still wouldn't trade her for anything.  She is by far the toughest, most difficult, and most frustrating (at times) horse I've had to deal with but she's mine, and I'd rather deal with her than any other out there.

All this being said, and after looking back on it, today really wasn't that bad of a day.  I messed up a movement in my dressage test because I wasn't concentrating and got a 2 pt error which dropped us lower than I would have liked after dressage, however not terrible.  Then in stadium we pulled a rail going into a combination even though she was flawless during warmup because I let her drift to the left. So as hard as it is for me to say it...."oh well".  

Tomorrow is cross country and another day.  I'll update later with our final results.